I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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