my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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