im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
