After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
