Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
