And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
