im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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