went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She told me I should be a condom model.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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