i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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