3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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