every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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