Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
