I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Randomize
