I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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