I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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