if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
