What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
