Your mouth is God's brothel.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
