i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
