Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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