I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
