Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
