I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
