dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
