I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
