the condom got lost in my hair
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
