you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
