Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
