sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
