I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
