Sorry, I don't speak sober.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
