It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
