you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
