all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
