she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he thought i was a dude.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
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