Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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