Umm I'm too high to move.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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