In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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