My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
