You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
