alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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