he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
