Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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