A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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