I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
