he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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