ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
