she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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