I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
