Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
