I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
