2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
